Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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