woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
