so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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