So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
