I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize