i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
