Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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