My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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