Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
