I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
