why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
