I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
