He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
