I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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