You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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