so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
