i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just invented taco cereal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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