u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
