He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found puke in my bra..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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