So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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