either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, โsex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.โ
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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