I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
