Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
