who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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