Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
