I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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