it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize