Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
