white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish I only lived at night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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