Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
