What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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