Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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