He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
