are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize