I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
