just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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