i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
