I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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