Sry I called you an 8
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
