lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
