he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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