Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
