the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
