We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize