we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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