i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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