so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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