so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
