Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
