we're blogging at a bar
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
