everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
