he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
