i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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