hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
