OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
