Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize