O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
