It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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