You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
