I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
