She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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