actually, I'm a sock model
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
