I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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