I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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