so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
