There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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