Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
