i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
