Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
