Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
